Why I struggle to believe that you love me when you voted for Trump

An open letter to white friends of BIPOC folx.

Photo by Anna Shvets at Pexels

NOBODY'S PERFECT, AND EVERYBODY IS RACIST. It's the people who are unapologetic for their racism or deny their own racism that contribute to hate. Hate leads to hate crimes. The words matter. And who's spreading the words matters, too. Especially when it's you. You, who are supposed to be my friend. You, whom I trusted with my love.

You say, publicly, that it's important to stand up for people being targeted for their race. And yes. Yes, it is.

That includes sharing media. Spreading information or misinformation. That includes when your elected officials are posting stuff.

I don't care which side of the aisle you stand on. I care if you ignore someone's rhetoric over and over and over again because you've decided that the entirety of mainstream media is untrustworthy. That all of the people--the writers, the editors, the managers--are influenced by money, that all those decisions are made by money, that no part of the organization is useful.

The thing I can't get past is that you voted for this person who pushed this rhetoric, and not the person who actively tried to push against that rhetoric.

The thing I can't get past is how much it hurts me that you said "yes" to that.

I'm aching. I'm hurting. My spouse and my kid--the person I created, the small human you were so excited to hear about the existence of, someone who is a person affected by racism, too--are at risk here. When you believe that the issues at the border are really about MS-13 and that that justifies the actions taken against people who are classified like me, I'm bewildered. I just don't get it. It seems so obvious to me, and it just sucks. Because you say you love me, but I still have to convince you that Trump is racist, and that he's not actively trying not to be.

I get that you're coming from a different place. But this is so obvious to me that I have to wonder: were you thinking of me when you voted?

Were you thinking of my baby when you agreed that that man should be leading our country?

Were you thinking of my husband when you said that that man should be allowed to continue spewing his rhetoric off Capitol Hill?

The same rhetoric that heavily implied that this virus is because of China?

We don't educate our people well enough to expect them to differentiate between China and the Chinese. Or to differentiate between cause and blame. Or to recognize their own contributions to the problem. So if that's the case, why would we put someone in charge who isn't careful with their words? 

Why would you?

I don't want to blame you for the choices you've made. I want you to accept that your actions have contributed to this moment in time. I want you to understand and own that your endorsement is valuable, and that you have endorsed someone who has contributed to making the world a more dangerous place for me and my family. I want you to accept responsibility for that choice, regardless of whether it's what you intended or not.

Because without all of that, you might love me, but you're not showing it how you think you are. And without that acknowledgement that you see that you're part of this system, I feel scared, and it's hard to feel loved when you're scared.

White friend, I'm begging for reassurance from you. I'm not here to cancel you. I don't want you to cancel me. I want you to tell me everything's going to be okay, that you're using your privilege to help protect me and my husband and my baby, and me.